The Skill of Daring to Open Your Mouth And Speak

Language learning can be divided to four core skills you need to develop to make progress in language learning: speaking, writing, listening, and reading. These skills are of course not separate, practicing one always develops the others, but they are quite different in nature and each needs deliberate practice. Perfecting all four of them will give you a comprehensive ability to deal with any kind of situation with the language.

Except. Lately I’ve been thinking that there is a fifth skill that needs to be practiced separately: daring to open your mouth. Yes, it is related to speaking. We might argue it is just a part of the core skill of speaking, because without daring to open your mouth, you can’t really make progress in speaking. However, I kind of like to think that it is a separate skill. I’ll tell you why.

First, I’ll share with you an experience that made me really thoroughly think about this.

A while ago, I was at a graduation party of a friend. She’s a so called Swedish Finn, Swedish is her first language. I’ve always spoken Finnish with her, though. But at the party, basically all the other guests were Swedish speakers. Knowing that my Swedish is pretty good – supposedly – and that I like learning languages, my friend introduced me to everyone in Swedish, and told them I like to practice, so no need to switch language.

There I was, sitting at the party, everyone around me speaking Swedish, which I could totally understand. But my brain was just a bit too slow to really take part in the conversation. I would start t think of a comment on something someone said, and while I was forming the sentence in my head, the conversation had moved on.

I suppose you  might be familiar with the situation, if you’re an intermediate learner of a language. It is always harder to participate in a conversation of native speakers, compared to speaking one on one with someone. I think that is when the skill of daring to open your mouth is more necessary than ever.

The difference between “I know how to speak” and “I can speak”

I think you could say that the “daring skill” is what makes the difference between “I know how to speak” and “I can speak”.

The thing is, I really KNOW HOW TO speak Swedish. So well that I actually believed for some years that I am nearly fluent. By the end of upper secondary school, I could read fluently and write excellent essays, and survived effortlessly the classroom speaking situations.

I think the truth was only revealed to me last spring, during my exchange semester in Gothenburg. I was very quickly shocked by my own insecurity to speak. I really tried to keep to Swedish with the locals but I always ended up being a quiet listener, because I just felt so clumsy and inadequate when speaking. Clearly it had been many years since I last used my Swedish, and I thought that after a while it would get easier. But I never dared to open my mouth often enough to really start to defrost my Swedish.

This is why I view daring to speak as a skill of its own, even if it truly is a part of the speaking skill. Because you can first learn to dare, and then learn to speak – as has been the case for me with Russian. I think I dare quite well already, but there’s still a long way to learn to speak really well. And then again, you actually can first learn quite a lot of the language, and then learn to dare to speak, as has been the case with French for me. I only recently started to practice speaking, and once I got past the inability to open my mouth, I’ve been surprised at how well I’m able to speak already.

Basically, you can learn how to speak by reading, writing and listening. But you can only learn to speak by speaking. And for that, you need to dare to speak. So perhaps we could say, that Speaking skill = Knowing-how-to skill + Daring skill!

Speaking skill = Knowing-how-to skill + Daring skill.

Is daring just a matter of personality?

I’ve noticed that some people are much better at daring than me. I’m quite an articulate person and careful speaker even in Finnish, meaning that I often tend to pause a lot, look for the right words and accurate expressions all the time while speaking. This seems to reflect to my language learning – I find myself less able to speak than someone else at my general level in a language. For example in Sweden I had a friend who had also learned French and I don’t think she was much more advanced than me – but she really didn’t hesitate speaking and could just chat happily, make mistakes and find ways around things she couldn’t say – while I struggled to find the right words and form correct sentences with them.

Is it a question of personality then? Someone I spoke with about language learning, a Finnish guy, told me that during their exchange studies in Germany, he had felt that the Spanish and Italian exchange students struggled much less to speak even though many of them seemed to know less German than he did. Is it a question of culture?

I think yes, partially both – but it is also something you can learn. To some extent, you can learn it in general, and being better at daring to speak one language means you’ll be better at daring to speak any language you are learning. But in some ways, you need to learn it for each language separately.

Why is it sometimes more difficult to dare?

There are a few things that make daring to open your mouth more difficult.

1. If you try to participate in a conversation of a group of native speakers

Well, clearly. Like the situation I experienced at the party. Even if the people are very patient and know you are still a learner, it takes a lot of effort to keep the conversation slower and simpler than how they would naturally speak. So if you don’t dare to open your mouth before having thought through what you want to say, you can’t keep up. And you might be more nervous anyway to open your mouth in front of more listeners.

2. If there is another language you both speak much better than the one you want to practice.

When learning Swedish, this is pretty much always the case, because Swedes are in general so fluent in English. So it can feel a bit silly to try and blunder on in Swedish when the conversation could be much more intelligent in English.

With the Swedish speakers in Finland, it feels even more awkward for me to speak Swedish, because most of them are practically bilingual, their Finnish as strong as their Swedish, and they are extremely used to speaking Finnish all the time in their studies, at work, and while shopping or running any errands – they are supposed to have the right to get service everywhere in Swedish if they want to, but the sad truth is, many Finnish speakers are so bad at speaking Swedish, they often find it less of a trouble to just speak Finnish (the areas where Swedish speakers are a majority, are an exception).

At the party I mentioned, I also wasn’t able to start a conversation with anyone, because I got stuck at trying to decide, should I dare to speak Swedish, or should I just go for Finnish. With Finnish as my native language and as good as their native language, speaking Swedish would just feel stupid and awkward. It really shouldn’t, but it does. And this is because I haven’t learned to DARE to speak Swedish!

3. If you learned the language for quite a long time before really starting to practice speaking.

Language learning gurus often say you should practice speaking from the beginning. I always thought it is important, but never really thought about why. Sometimes people like to think they want to first learn a bit more than the basics and only then get out there and speak with people. But at least for me, this seems to actually be a counterproductive approach.

The thing is, learned Swedish in school for six years without really practicing to speak. Sure, we did speak in the classes, but small dialogues from textbooks are just not the same as really producing speech and having a natural conversation.

So, like I said, I was pretty good at Swedish when I finished school, and I thought I was nearly as fluent as with English (which I could already speak quite effortlessly back then). But now that I think about it, before last spring in Gothenburg, I never really even tried to have a longer discussion in Swedish. So now that I try to speak, I know how to speak correctly. I can think through a conversation in Swedish. But when I really should speak, I realise all the grammar points I’m unsure of and get stuck with trying to figure them out, and I get anxious about each mistake. I get frustrated that my speech doesn’t match my perceived  level.

Another example I can give you is my experience with speaking French and German. I learned both in upper secondary school – French for three years, eight courses, and German for half a year, two courses. I should have been around CEFR B1 at French and A1 at German. At level B1, you should be able to survive most traveling situations. After our final exams I did an Interrail trip around Europe with a friend. I found myself quite unable to speak any French at all but could comfortably get by at cafes and buying train tickets with my few sentences of German.

I’ve thought this was because French was just harder for me. But now I’ve started to realise it must have been A) because my German teacher made us practice speaking a bit more, and B) because I was more advanced in French but had practiced speaking as little, so I expected to speak better than I was able to, and my expectations and the experiences of unsuccessful speaking situations made me unable to DARE to speak.

How can I learn to dare?

Now, all of this leads down to the question: is it possible to learn to dare? Like I said in the beginning, I like to think that daring to open your mouth and speak is a skill among other skills. I like to think about it this way, because if it is a skill, it can be practised.

I described things that make daring more difficult, and based on that, I also recognise some ways to make it easier at first, how to start practising. Here are my ideas:

  • Practice one-on-one first. Don’t be discouraged if participating a group conversation is more difficult. It might take a lot of practice before you can rock that.
  • Practice with someone you know. Especially if you are shy, it may be easier to first practise with a friend.
  • Practise with someone you don’t know at all. Sometimes it can be even better this way. It is really difficult to switch languages, if you are used to speaking a certain language with someone. I think our personalities change a bit when speaking a different language, which can feel weird with people you know well. And of course, if you are used to having very deep conversations with someone, in a language your fluent in, switching to simpler things can feel silly.
  • Practise with someone who is also learning the language. They’ll certainly understand why you want to speak this language and not a language you both are more fluent at. You can overcome the fear of mistakes together.
  • Practise with someone native, who is learning your language (tandem). It really helps to hear someone speak your own language  imperfectly, like I’ve written earlier. You’ll realise mistakes aren’t dangerous, and that getting your message through is more important than correct grammar.

I’ll put these ideas to test next month, when I’m planning to try and finally defrost my Swedish and learn to dare to speak it!

What do you think? What are the best ways to overcome nervousness to speak? Is there a way to move from one-on-one practice to being able to participate in a quick-paced conversation of a group of native speakers? I’d be really happy to hear your thoughts!


12 thoughts on “The Skill of Daring to Open Your Mouth And Speak

  1. Heeey,
    I can totally relate myself to your situation. In Turkish, which is my first but not my strongest language, I can’t express myself completely. I think it is because I was born in the Netherlands and grew up there speaking Dutch. My Dutch is stronger than my Turkish and the Dutch Turks over here are speaking Dutch or a strange mix of Dutch and Turkish. So my Turkish has never reached a very high level. However, when I’m writing, I can express myself correctly. Without any mistakes, without having to put a lot of effort into writing. Sometimes native speakers even give me compliments and say that it is a good achievement for someone who has never studied there.

    But sometimes, when I’m with family or friends, I kind of “can’t speak” while I know how to speak.
    In English, French, and Spanish, I’m very chatty and I enjoy making mistakes. I always find a way to express myself and I find it easy to speak a lot. I’m not a shy person at all.

    So based on my experience, I would say, the way we feel when we have to speak a language may be influenced by the way we started speaking it. I have always been surrounded by Turkish speakers but I was mostly surrounded by people who didn’t speak it. But in my foreign languages, I put more effort into speaking it. Even when it was when I was speaking to myself, in front of the mirror, or for a recording… I never did that for Turkish. My thoughts were always in Dutch.

    My tip for you, as an addition to your extremely useful tips that I will definitely try for my Turkish, talk a lot in Swedish on your own, about topics you would be speaking with the people on the party. It will make you prepared. And try to think in Swedish. Talk to yourself in Swedish. Make video recordings just like you’re doing with Russian.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kamila, thanks for sharing your thoughts! I think it’s exactly like you said; how we feel about speaking a language depends a lot on the way we started speaking it; on the first experiences. If they are relaxed and safe and such that you don’t need to be afraid of making mistakes, you’ll be comfortable speaking later on. But luckily we can also get new experiences and get a fresh start even with the languages for which the speaking didn’t start so well! That’s what I hope to do with Swedish soon. I actually have the rather ambitious goal to speak some Swedish every day in June.
      Thanks for the tips, I’ll definitely try speaking to myself, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post you’ve written. I have become that person who dares to speak. I thought about the people to learn English and even though they are grammatically incorrect and at times don’t make sense, we understand them. Also in my target language, I learned the verb ‘do’. Anytime I don’t know a verb, I just use the verb ‘do’ in my target language and look it up later. For example, if I didn’t know how to say “I ‘cut’ the carrots”, I just say, ” I ‘did’ the carrots”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your lovely comment!
      That’s a great way to get around verb you don’t know. I should also try and learn to use strategies like that – it is also a skill that takes practice, to get around words you don’t know instead of getting stuck at them!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post! I think speaking will always be the hardest part of learning any language, especially if you are a bit shy. I think the only way to get round it is to just get stuck in and keep trying. I also agree with Kamila about talking to yourself. If you have a language partner you can talk to on whatsapp it is also good to record voice memos rather than typing. I do this a lot for italian and record single sentences to practice natural quick construction. It also encourages my friend to record a response back which helps listening too. Win win! 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really like the voice memo idea! I actually do that in Finnish sometimes with some friends. I find it’s more personal (and takes less time than writing if you have something longer to say!). So certainly could try it for language practice too. I just need to find someone to practice with, then!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can totally relate. For me, I feel a lot more comfortable when the other person can’t speak English (or my language). Korean is the language I know the less, but I felt really comfortable talking with natives while I was in Seoul. A lot more than when I talk with Swedes, for examples, who like you say, speak English really well. I’ve always felt really self-conscious when speaking Swedish, unless I’m talking to kids.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Swedish seems to be an especially tricky one in this sense, I think many people relate to that. I guess us Swedish learners should get together more, to practice with other learners!


  5. I’ve had some similar experiences with languages and I really do think that my personality changes slightly depending on the language I’m speaking. I’ve learnt some Korean and perhaps because people always seem to speak Korean with a higher voice than I’m used to in English, I’m slightly more giggly and honestly slightly annoying whereas in German I think I become more serious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing! It really is interesting. I wonder if it has to do with the resources we use for learning, the people we practice with, our subconcious perceptions of the culture, or something totally different? Who knows. I wonder if you can consciously affect your “language personality”…? Perhaps the more you learn the more “yourself” you become again, when you learn to express yourself more naturally.

      Liked by 1 person

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